How a Solo Bachelorette Helped Me Let Go of My Decades-Long Fear of Marriage

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How a Solo Bachelorette Helped Me Let Go of My Decades-Long Fear of Marriage originally appeared on Parade.

For many people, the day they get engaged is one of the happiest of their lives. When I got engaged seven months ago, it was for me, too, but in the weeks that followed, it led to an identity crisis.

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Witnessing my parents’ rocky marriage turned me off the idea completely. At 18—the age I first realized being married and having kids wasn’t the only life path that existed—I decided I wanted the opposite of what I had seen growing up, and to me, that meant never getting married.

Then, I fell in love. I was 36 and had just become a licensed foster parent. My focus was on motherhood on my own terms. But after my friends set me up with a cute guy in our friend group, I knew pretty much immediately that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him.

After we got engaged, I felt grateful for the unexpected turn my life had taken, but I couldn’t just shake off my long-held fears of marriage. My partner’s parents didn’t have a successful marriage either. How could I be sure our marriage would work?

I decided to go on a solo bachelorette to think more about all the fears and questions I had. I spent several days at Civana Wellness Resort & Spa, located right outside of Scottsdale, Arizona. The trip ended up changing my views on marriage entirely.

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What Is the Solo Travel Trend?

Solo travel is a rising trend, especially among women. A survey conducted by tourism marketing firm Future Partners found that nearly 40% of female travelers want to take a solo trip in 2025. Jen Tenzer, the founder of female solo travel planning company The Soloist, says women often come to her during a big life transition, such as after getting engaged, divorced or when changing careers. “Solo travel is more than just a vacation. It’s an introspective experience,” she says.

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Brittany Duffy, a travel expert at Go Ahead Tours, adds to this, saying, “There's been a cultural shift toward prioritizing self-care and personal wellness, especially around major life events.” Duffy says that social media has helped drive the trend too. “Social media has normalized solo travel, showing women that it's not only safe but incredibly rewarding. We're also seeing more women who are financially independent and comfortable making their own travel decisions. They're not waiting for others to be available or interested in their dream destination— they're just going.”

Tenzer says that taking a solo trip by yourself before your wedding (aka a solo bachelorette) isn’t mainstream yet, but she says it’s becoming more popular, and both experts say there is a lot to gain from taking one.

“A solo bachelorette offers an incredible opportunity for introspection, self-discovery and personal growth during one of life's most significant transitions. This type of trip allows brides-to-be to reconnect with themselves before entering marriage and the next chapter of their lives. There's also something profoundly empowering about celebrating yourself. Instead of focusing solely on the upcoming wedding, you're honoring your journey as an individual,” Duffy says.

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4 Lessons I Learned on My Solo Bachelorette

Civana ended up being a perfect place for introspection because the resort offers a wide variety of classes and workshops created to help you learn more about yourself. I signed up for three: manifesting, numerology and feng shui for relationships. I also signed up for a type of massage I’ve never heard of before called watsu, which combines water therapy with Shiatsu, a form of Japanese bodywork that involves applying pressure to specific points on the body.

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Below are four lessons I learned during my stay that completely transformed my views of marriage and gave me peace before entering my own.

1. Visualize the Marriage You Want

In my manifesting workshop, I learned that manifesting is bringing your deepest desires to life. It means visualizing the life you want and taking action. The teacher said it’s important to act as if you already know those desires are going to happen.

It was easy for me to visualize the marriage I wanted because it reflected the relationship I was currently in. But it served as a reminder that I can take actionable steps to be the wife I want to be. I closed my eyes and visualized myself as a wife. The type of clothes I would wear and the ways my partner and I would support each other. Those are things I can actually do—or in many cases, continue doing.

The teacher also shared that having a gratitude practice is an important part of manifesting. “If you think about things you are lacking in your life, those things will expand. If you think about things you are grateful for in your life, those things will expand,” the teacher told the class. With this in mind, I made a note that I should regularly tell my partner specific reasons why I’m grateful for him. Focusing on what I love about my partner will make me even more grateful for him each day.

2. Be Intentional About the Home You Create

Feng shui is an ancient Chinese practice focusing on arranging physical spaces to achieve harmony and balance. In my feng shui for relationships class, I learned how to create a home where love can flourish. “Your home acts as a vision board for your life,” the teacher told the class.

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I learned that the back right corner of each floor of the house is the “love area,” according to feng shui. For me, that meant the den on the bottom floor and my bedroom on the second floor.

One of the tips was to add touches that feel romantic to your love area, like candles, photos of you as a couple and flowers. This made sense to me: It’s easier to feel romantic in a romantic setting than it is in one that’s sterile or encourages a different type of mood. She also shared that having photos of anyone outside of your life as a couple was a no-no for the bedroom. “It’s pretty hard to get into a sexy mood if there’s a photo of your mom on your nightstand,” she shared. Point taken.

It was empowering to learn that I can create a home environment that sets a romantic vibe in my house. I certainly don’t want to lose the romance in my relationship after we get married!

3. Go With the Flow

During my watsu massage, I had to trust my masseuse completely as he gently dragged my body through the water while my head rested on his shoulder and my limbs floated on the surface.

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This was definitely one of the more out-there wellness activities I’d ever done, but it taught me the power of surrender and going with the flow. As someone who likes to be in charge, it was helpful for me to remember to let go and trust—which is important in relationships too.

4. Believe in Something Bigger Than Yourself

The most transformative moment of my trip came during a numerology class. Numerology is the belief between numbers and coinciding events. Everyone has their own “life path” number, a core number derived from your birthdate that can be used to learn more about your personality traits, life challenges and life opportunities—similar to an astrological sign. (You can find out yours with this life path number calculator.)

My life path number is nine. “Nine represents completion—it is the end of the 1-9 number cycle—and it also represents the belief that all things are possible,” the teacher told the class. I calculated my partner’s life path number, and his turned out to be a nine as well. Another coincidence is that the year we are getting married (2025) is also a nine.

After the class, I asked the teacher if there was any significance in this trio of nines. “Oh yes,” she said. “To me, this means that your marriage will be the one to end unhealthy relationship cycles in your families.”

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For her to say that to me, not knowing the baggage I brought on my solo bachelorette, meant a lot to me. Also, when we calculated the number for my wedding day, it was a two—a number that symbolizes partnership!

When I called my partner up that evening to tell him about the class, he thought it was pretty cool too. “I already knew you were my soulmate, but this just shows how destined we are for each other,” he said.

I left the Arizona desert with so much hope and excitement for my wedding day. Armed with the belief that my partner and I are meant to be together and that I could actively create the marriage I wanted, I felt so empowered. It completely erased the fears or doubts I started my trip with.

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How To Plan Your Own Solo Bachelorette

Feeling inspired and want to go on your own solo bachelorette? Sydney Getzin, a travel advisor with FORA Travel, recommends starting with a mood board, either done on Pinterest or old-school with magazine photos. She says to think about what type of environment you want to be in and what activities you want to do. Do you want it to be super active or chill?

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Tenzer says figuring out your budget early is key and plays a major role in choosing a destination. It’s also important to figure out how long you want your solo bachelorette to be. If you want to do some soul-searching on your trip, Tenzer says to think about how you feel most introspective. For some people, that means being out in nature. For others, it means lots of workshops, like the ones I took. Some people learn a lot about themselves by pushing themselves to the limit physically. Knowing what it is for you can help you choose a hotel and destination with these types of activities in mind.

Both Tenzer and Duffy say that wellness-focused destinations or resorts are great places for introspection and typically offer interesting classes to take. “All-inclusive hotels tend to have packages that include food, spa treatments and various classes, so those are great options to look into,” Tenzer says, adding that one she recommends is Marival Resorts. Duffy says that some destinations—like Costa Rica, Bali or Thailand—naturally encourage introspection and self-care. “They’re the perfect backdrop for spa treatments and spiritual practices,” she says.

Duffy says it’s also important to consider your comfort level with solo travel. “If you're new to traveling alone, choose destinations known for being solo-female-friendly like Iceland, New Zealand or Japan. If you're more experienced, this might be the perfect time to tackle that bucket-list destination you’ve been dreaming about,” she says.

No matter where you go, all the travel experts emphasize that a solo bachelorette is a reminder that you are still an independent person, even though you are about to enter into a partnership. And Tenzer points out that it doesn’t have to be your last solo trip either. After all, you’re never done learning about yourself.

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